Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the awesomest of us all?
by SatansLollipop
Summary: In which the Awesome Trio - Prussia, America and Denmark - battle to be the awesomest of them all.
1. I am Awesome

Chapter 1 – I AM AWESOME!

If you didn't want to be disappointed, the best way was to expect the worst, so it was a really good thing that nobody (except their bossess, but even they were giving up, and Germany) actually expected the nation's meetings to make any progress at all, even not somewhere productive because the end result was always downright destructive, at best a waste of time if nobody (usually Prussia) decided to burst out the alcohol.

Today was one of the aforementioned pointless meetings, it hadn't even been ten minutes and the mood of the room was already hovering around "alcohol time since we're all bored out of our minds anyway" and about to take a deep plunge all the way to "hell" - which was what happened when the nations got drunk and decided to start going back to pirate, vikings days, try to make other "one with them", molesting anything that breathed and sometimes anything that existed and other various mentally traumatic for life, mind-scarring events - was Germany's prediction. And it was, of course, because of-

 _"Bow down to my awesomeness! Because I AM THE AWESOMEST! ~kesesesese"_

-a certain overzealous, probably drunk nation whom he had the misfortune of being related to,

 _"Dude, what do you mean you are the awesomest? I, the hamburger-loving hero am the awesomest, because heroes (and hamburgers) are awes-"_

a superpower who certainly didn't act like one and usually tilted towards being more than humanly possible dense on his best days

 _"How many times have you said that, you self-proclaimed fat hero idiot? You should not argue and immediately kneel and hail me! ALL HAIL THE AWESOME DENMARK!"_

and a former viking with a giant battle axe and a voice to match. And they just happened to be all stuck in a meeting with nothing to do, bored out of their minds and seconds away from turning this meeting into a playground brawl.

Just. Fucking. Wonderful.

"How dare you insult my awesomeness? I am the awesomest, even Gilbird agrees. Right, Gilbird?(tweet tweet) So does West! Right?" Prussia turned expectantly to his younger brother who looked like he was trying, in vain, to break the table with his head.

At his words, Germany raised his head to try and dissuade his brother (although when had it ever worked?). "Bruder, I don't think-"

"West agrees!" Prussia crowed, hanging upside down from the chandelier (Germany had no idea of how he got up there, although he didn't know how he was even at the meeting in the first place since he wasn't a nation anymore, but it was Prussia, and one learned to mostly not question his actions in an attempt to keep their sanity intact) "I am the awesomest! I am the awesomest! I am the awesomest!"

"HELL NO!" countered America who was staring the upside-down Prussia straight in the face, their faces so close they may as well be trying to stab each other with their noses. "I am the awesomest! Both France and Iggy agrees, right? And that's three against two coz your tweety thing doesn't count!"

France, who was massaging his cheek which had just been slapped by an irritated British when his hand, ahem, _accidentally_ slipped, perked up at the mention of his name. "~Ahon hon hon, Amérique is seeking my advice? Of course you are awesome! Don't let Eyebrows discourage you!"

"…don't…call…me…iggy…or…eyebrows…" was the reply they heard from the British who was hiding in the corner with some weird dark aura around him and staring intently in some thick book that America had dubbed the book of "Iggy's Eyebrow Growing Formula".

"Yay! They both agree! So once again the hero, against the odds, triumphs and becomes the awesomes-"

"Not so fast Amerika. I am the awesomest because I am a former Viking and I have more brain cells than the both of you together! All my fellow Nordics agree, right?"

All the other Nordic nation's faces meet the table, except Sweden who gives Denmark his world famous death glare and Norway who also settled for glaring as he was too far away to attempt to squeeze the life out of Denmark.

And Germany had had enough.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!", he yelled, banging his fist on the table, causing a tremor to run through the wood. He glared at the three arguing nations.

"But bruder," complained Prussia, "those two dummkopfs won't admit that they are not as awesome as me…"

"What about a contest?" suggests Finland who was somehow halfway out of his chair and half-sitting on Sweden "The three of you can compete to see who is the awesomest!"

"Great idea dude! Let's do it!" America yells as if it was the best idea in the world, despite the fact that every nation with at least an ounce of common sense are edging towards the door in order to avoid Germany's inevitable explosion.

"NO" thundered Germany, in a foul mood (because, no shit, who wouldn't be).

All their bosses had decided that there would be a week long meeting in a final desperate attempt to get things done (not that it was working). The nations were currently in a meeting room in Moscow, which America claimed stank of "commie evilness".

"Bruder! Please?" pleaded Prussia. Seeing as his brother wasn't budging, he turned for the final weapon which was bound to work ."It'll be fun! Right, Italy?"

"Sì! Please Doitsu? Pretty please with pasta and tomatoes?" asked Italy, immediately activating his adorable-puppy-eyes-that-Doitsu-could-never-resist, "Please?"

"Fine," muttered Germany, unable to resist Italy's puppy eyes, and it wasn't like they were going to make any progress anyway. "But who will hold them?"

"We're in Moscow, right? Then the commie bastard can hold them, problem solved! ALL PRAISE THE HERO!" Shouted America.

"Da." Agreed Russia "The contests shall begin tomorrow! My dear Baltics will help me, right?"

The three poor Baltics could only nod, shaking more than a deer in Antartica during winter.

"The meeting is finished! See you all tomorrow, da?" And with that, Russia, with the three Baltics (albeit unwillingly) following, left the room.

"TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!"

 **Finished! Awesome! What contests do you think they should hold? Please review, ya all awesome readers!**


	2. And the Chaos begins

Chapter 2 – And the Chaos begins

"All right, these are the rules of the contest," Russia announced on the second day of the meeting as soon as everyone had rushed in and taken their seats. "These contests will be held after the meetings and there will be one each day including today, so in total, there will be six contests, da? The winner of a contest gets one point while the other two gets none. Whoever has the most points by the end of the week will become the Awesomest of the Awesome Trio. In some contests, you will compete along with two other nations of your choosing, while in others, you shall compete alone. Last of all, cheating is not allowed, da?"

"Ja." Grinned Prussia, cackling evilly under his breath.

"HELL YEAH!" Cheered America while shovelling burgers into his mouth in an eerily similar way people chuck rubbish into rubbish bins.

"Fine, but I'm just gonna win anyway, right Norge?"

Norway pointedly ignored the hyperactive Dane next to him.

"Now that the rules are settled," England said "Let's start the meeting."

"Very well." replied Russia as he let England take his place at the head of the table "But Amerika, Denmark and Prussia, you should choose your two partners since todays contest will be a group one."

* * *

"Please?"

"Nei (No in Norwegian)."

"Nr (No in Icelandic)."

"But it'll be fuuuunnnnn,' pleaded Denmark.

Everyone had been released from the meeting for lunch and somehow Denmark had managed to corner Iceland and Norway in an empty corridor.

"Just once?"

"NO!" the brothers shouted in unison.

"But it'll be fun! And we can be the Anko Family again. Can you two just be my partners for this competition?"

"Nei."

"Nr."

On and on it went. Denmark pleading and it was always replied with a Nr and Nei.

Finally, Denmark whispered into Iceland's ear "But if we win this competition it will show the world how _mature_ you are," He knew how much Iceland wanted to prove himself to the world. "Everyone will finally respect and look up to you."

Denmark hid a smirk, seeing Iceland's eyes lit up, knowing he had already won half the battle.

"Why not give it a try?" Iceland asked Norway "It sure sounds fun!"

Norway's normally emotionless eyes narrowed at Iceland's sudden change of mind.

Seeing as his brother wasn't budging, Iceland, desperate to prove himself, did the one thing he knew Norway could never resist. "Please _big brother_?" He called Norway _big brother_.

Big Brother.

Big Brother.

Big Brother.

Big.

Brother.

In Norway's mind, every wheel grinded to an abrupt stop. Iceland had called him _big brother_.

Denmark smirked, seeing the shocked look on Norway's face. Iceland had achieved a _near-impossible, legendary_ feat. He had given Norway _an expression_.

Struggling to keep his face impassive and emotionless, Norway managed to stutter out, gathering what was left of his brain which had spontaneously combusted when Iceland called him big brother, "F-fine, just this o-once."

Whooping, Denmark grabbed Iceland and Norway, his new partners, and pulled them down the corridor. Oh, Iceland was definitely a master at persuading Norway.

* * *

"Iggy, wait!" yelled America running out of the building the meeting was held in, chasing after the retreating form of England. After chasing for nearly five minutes, America groaned and turned to ask his twin beside him. "What did I say wrong?"

Canada sighed and shook his head, his brother was just plain stupid sometimes "I don't think that you should have called him eyebrows, asked him to be your partner in a british accent _and_ munch hamburgers the whole time."

America blinked, confused "So?"

Canada groaned and decided to introduce his face to the wall beside him. Nice to meet you wall, I'm face.

"Huh?" America glanced at his brother whose face seemed to be stuck to the wall

"Are you okay bro?" He asked.

"Fine." Muttered Canada, "Let's get lunch and get back to the meeting."

Together, they entered the building in which the meeting was held in, each holding their lunches. America a sack of McDonald's and Canada some pancakes with a whole jar of maple syrup. Rounding a corner, they had to flatten themselves against the wall, narrowly avoiding Denmark who was whooping and running out of the building. Norway and Iceland followed behind the hyperactive, overzealous nation, both looking tired.

"Hey America," Iceland muttered glancing at America's rumpled clothes "having trouble with England?"

"Yea dude how did you know?" asked America.

"Saw you chasing after him, you want a suggestion of what you should do?"

"Of course!" Iceland leaned closer to America and whispered secretly into his ear "You should call him _Big Brother_. It worked with Norway."

"Thanks!" yelled America, running down the hall dragging poor Canada after him "I'll go do it now!"

England walked quickly back towards the meeting, trying to be as far from the tea shop as possible. He had gone to get some tea after his lunch. The shop owner was kind and the shop smelled of thousands of different herbs and spices. He had been about to buy an earl grey when a door opened behind the counter and a young boy had came out. "Big brother?" the boy had called and England had been so shocked that he turned and ran.

The young boy had the same blond hair and blue eyes America had. The boy had called to the shopkeeper, not him. But those two words had bought up so many bittersweet memories that he had fled. Ever since America had declared his independence, he had always called him England, not Big Brother. England had loved America as a son and America had hurt by leaving. That was why England always fought with him. So that America would notice him. Sighing, he walked into the meeting building trying to shake memories of America before his independence out of his head. _He hates you_ , he thought, _he left and he's never coming back. So stop thinking about him!_

America had always had a bad sense of timing. So when he darted in front of England and called him Big Brother, England, who was mentally shouting at himself about how America hated him and would never care, heard America do the thing he just told himself America would never do, and _fainted_.

America blinked at the unconsciously nation in front of him. Then sighed and turned to Canada, who was standing next to him, looking equally surprised. "What did I do wrong _this_ time?"

Canada groaned, rubbing his forehead "Holy maple…Why don't we just take England fainting as a yes to be your partner and get back to the meeting?"

* * *

"He _is_ your cousin, vhy not?"

"There's no vay I'm partnering with that Specs, he's made of _manners_ and _rules_."

"Aren't I?"

"You're mein _bruder_ , that's different."

"Just partner with him, please?"

"No, no and absolutely no."

Germany groaned and buried his face into his hands. The moment lunch break had been called, Prussia had bounced over, asked him to be his partner and taken his annoyed "no's" to be delighted "why yes I'd love tos". And now they were currently looking for his second partner.

"Vhat about Hungary?"

"She'd rather beat you into unconsciousness with her frying pan than be your partner, I've already asked her. And anyway, she has to take my place as security with Switzerland."

"I KNOW! Gilbird will be my second partner then."

Germany vaguely wondered if banging his head against the wall would help.

"Bruder, Gilbert _doesn't_ count!"

Just then, Austria walked into the room.

"Austria, do you mind being mein bruder's second partner?"

Austria wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Of course...not."

"Hell no am I working with Specs."

"Bruder, if you don't find a partner, you won't be able to participate, so you von't be the awesomest, not even awesome." Germany reasoned.

"Fine," muttered Prussia "Austria, if you be my partner I promise to leave your piano alone for one _whole_ month."

"Vhy? I love seeing you get beat up by Hungary every time."

"Fine, you _don't_ be my partner and I vill do said things to your piano. I vill 1) paint my flag on your piano, 2) pull out all the tiles and build a house out of them, 3) cut all the string thingys inside the piano, 4) spray paint "PRUSSIA FLIES, AUSTRIA CRIES" on it in pink paint from Poland, shall I continue with the threats?"

Prussia looked around to see Austria was already out cold from just imagining said things happened to his beloved, precious piano.

"So that's a yes?" asked Prussia.

Germany suddenly decided that banging his head against the wall wasn't such a bad idea after all.


	3. Contest 1: Riddles

Chapter 3 – Contest 1: Riddles

"Everyone is here, da?" called out Russia, standing at one end of the long table. When he was sure that everyone was present, he announced "After todays meeting, we will have our first contest, which will be a riddle contest. Amerika, Denmark and Prussia, do you all have partners?"

When all three replied with a yes, Russia called out Germany to begin his speech and the meeting began.

 **~After the meeting~**

Once the meeting was over, everyone filed out of the meeting room orderly, eagerly anticipating the contest. Russia and the three Baltics led everyone to a room just down a corridor from the meeting room.

Russia opened the door and everyone went in. The wall opposing the door was covered by a huge black board with a mahogany podium in front of it. In front of the podium was a round table with three seats around it. On either side of the round table were two more identical tables and chairs. On the left and right walls were a few rows of chairs.

Lithuania stood at the podium with the Latvia and Estonia next to him. Russia stood behind them. America along with Canada and Britain took the middle table, leaving Prussia, Germany and Austria to take the right table and Denmark, Iceland and Norway to take the left. Leaving the remaining nations to sit down on the rows of chairs.

"Greetings everyone," Lithuania announced into the microphone "Today's contest is a riddle contest. I will be asking a total of five riddles. Whoever raises his hand first gets to answer first. You are allowed to discuss the answer to the riddle with your own partners. If you get a riddle correct, you get one point. Whoever gets the most points will win, is everything clear?"

A chorus of nods followed his announcements.

"Alright," Lithuania said, taking a stack of paper Estonia handed to him, "Let's start. First let's start with a simple math question. Mr. Russia is holding six bottle of vodka in one hand and six bottles of vodka in the other hand. How many bottles of vodka is Mr. Russia holding altogether?"

Prussia's hand shot into the air, oblivious to Germany and Austria's attempt at discussing the answer with him, the same thing happened at all the other tables. Really, Russia should have made this an individual contest for all the attention the three contestants were paying their partners.

"Prussia, please answer." Called out Lithuania.

Prussia stood up and answered, cackling "~kesesese…a drinking problem!"

Lithuania blinked, surprised, then he called "Denmark, please answer."

Denmark whooped and leapt up, nearly flipping the table over, yelling "Very large hands!"

The two nations at his table simultaneously banged their heads into the table. They were brothers after all.

Denmark looked down at the two annoyed nations, puzzled "Something wrong Norge?"

Norway didn't even bother answering him.

Lithuania could feel a headache coming "America, your answer please."

Before his brother and his former caretaker could stop him, America yelled out "Commie has _worms_!"

The room was shocked silent. Even the nations on the sides had stopped whispering or handing money to each other, betting on who would win. Even the air conditioner seemed to hush.

Then…

"What!?" came the shocked reply of a certain pale-haired, scarf-wearing faucet pipe-wielding tall nation.

Lithuania slowly turned to see a confused Russia wondering why on earth America would say he had _worms_.

Quickly, Lithuania turned and asked for America to explain himself. He valued his life. And someone who could take that away was right behind him and about to get angry.

America cheerfully explained, oblivious to England's angry attempts to shut him up, knowing he would probably say something stupid to make Russia even angrier "Well, once England dropped a worm into a cup of water and then dropped another worm into a cup of alcohol and then the alcohol worm died! So commie must have gotten worms in his stomach so he's trying to kill them!"

"You bloody idiot! That wasn't what I was trying to teach you!" England seemed on the edge of screaming and tearing out his hair.

"So who's right?" asked America, blissfully unaware of the frustrated nation behind him.

Estonia shoved Lithuania out of the way, clear his throat and said "You're all wrong. Prussia, Mr. Russia was _holding_ the bottles of vodka and not drinking them. Therefore, he may not have a drinking problem."

Lithuania whispered to Latvia "And this is why you avoid Estonia when goes into critic mode."

"Denmark, you do not know how _big_ the bottles are, therefore Mr. Russia may have small hand and hold tiny bottles of vodka. And America…do I really have to explain…are you really that _dumb_?"

America blinked at him, confused "I was wrong?"

Apparently, yes, he was that dumb.

* * *

"Next question," announced Lithuania, who had successfully managed to wrestle control back from Estonia "This is a harder riddle: There is an average bathtub filled with water, and there are three objects you can choose to use to empty the bathtub. A teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket. What do you do to empty the bathtub the quickest?"

Like the last riddle, three hands shot into the air, followed by three hyperactive, over-zealous, enthusiastic nations.

"Prussia!" Lithuania called.

The albino smirked while the other two sat down, pouting. "I'm too awesome to not know the answer," Prussia grinned "you use the darn bucket of course, it's the largest!"

"Wrong!"

"Vha-!?" Poor Prussia was shocked speechless and had to be pulled back into his seat by his brother.

Lithuania stifled a laugh at Prussia's expression "Denmark!"

"You use the bathtub!"

Lithuania rubbed his temple "Pardon?"

Denmark nodded enthusiastically "You empty the bathtub with the bathtub!"

Lithuania suddenly pitied Norway for having to deal with an idiot on daily basis "Wrong!"

Denmark sat down, pouting.

"America, your turn."

America shot up from his seat, Texas nearly falling off from his face "This is soooo easy, you belly-flop into the tub so the water splashes all out! GO BELLYFLOPS!"

This was all too much for poor Lithuania, who promptly fainted.

While Estonia and Poland carried the unconscious nation to one of the chairs on the side, little Latvia took Lithuania's place. "T-the a-a-answer is to p-pull the p-p-lug-g." whispered the trembling nation, fully aware of the huge Russian bear behind him.

* * *

All three competing nations groaned in disappointment that they were wrong. None of the three were right in the first two riddles. Hopefully it would change after the third riddle.

Estonia was now standing at the podium, leaving Lithuania to be fussed over by Poland, Latvia trembling beside him.

"Third question," Estonia said, reading off Lithuania's stack of papers "How do you put an elephant into a fridge in three steps, without killing it?"

Prussia didn't even wait for his name to be called. "Easy! First chop up the elephant, put it in the fridge and then stick the elephant back with super glue."

"Without _killing_ it." Estonia clarified.

"I didn't! The elephant died itself."

"You chopped it up which killed it so, no, your answer is wrong."

Prussia flopped back into his seat, looking like a dejected puppy that had been kicked.

Estonia ignored him. "America!"

"Smash the fridge, put the elephant among the ruins, then glue the fridge back."

Estonia groaned "The fridge must remain _intact_ …"

"But WHYYYYY?"

"It's common sense. How are going to glue and entire fridge back with an elephant inside? Even if you manage to really glue it back, how are going to make the elephant stay put? Also, that is the most idiotic idea I've ever heard."

America joined Prussia in the Dejected-Puppy group.

"Denmark!"

"Get Sweden to build a bigger fridge, cut a picture of an elephant out and then stick it in the fridge."

"A _real_ elephant."

"I c'n't bu'ld a fr'dg' th't b'g…" (I can't build a fridge that big)

"C'mon Sweden, you can do it!"

"Wrong," muttered Estonia "The answer was to 1) open the fridge, 2) push the elephant in and 3) close the fridge."

Dejected Puppy group now had three new members.

* * *

Estonia swore under his breath if these idiots got one more question wrong he would personally strangle them. Three riddles, nine guesses and none of the three had gotten a single riddle right.

He couldn't help wondering if all of them had been dropped on their heads as a baby.

Or maybe their really-not-so-awesome gigantic egos had rotted their brains.

Either way, those three were natural idiots.

Luckily for Estonia and Latvia, Lithuania had finally woken up.

Still slightly dizzy, Lithuania made his way to the podium and took his place behind the podium.

He blinked at the score, which was still zero for all three. "Fourth question: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?"

For the first time, the three nations didn't immediately leap up to answer, as they were still trying to understand it.

America, however, decided that if he didn't understand it, he would just spout some random answer and hope for the best.

He raised his hand, and when Lithuania called on him, blurted out "Heroes."

Canada started gulping down a whole bottle of pure maple syrup to calm himself down.

England, on the other hand, looked like his eyebrows were about to fly into space by the height they were at now.

Lithuania, on the verge of passing out again, weakly mumbled for America explain.

"Well," the egotistic nation started "poor people need a hero like Robin Hood and the rich people need heroes to save them from Robin Hood the hero and heroes will kill you in their stomach if you eat them, right?

"Y-you actually read about Robin Hood?" asked England.

"Of course, you forced me to read them, remember?"

England had indeed forced America to read books to make him smarter (not that it worked), but he hadn't thought that his former colony had so much as read more than a few words.

England decided he needed a drink.

Denmark leapt up when Lithuania called on him and shouted "Brain Cells!"

"Please explain."

"Well, poor people should have more brain cells because they need them and rich people need some coz for some reason they don't have them and you can die from brain poisoning!"

"Are you saying that I have a lot of brain cells." Deadpanned Norway "Also, how is your economy doing, I heard you are very rich."

Iceland had never seen Denmark shut up so quickly.

When it was Prussia's turn, he rambled on and on about how poor people somehow had egos while the rich did not and somehow you could choke on egos and die.

Lithuania promptly passed out again.

"So vhat's the answer?" asked Austria, who was apparently pissed because he didn't know the answer.

"Nothing." Replied Estonia who had once again taken over.

"Vhat do you mean you have no answer?" raged Germany, who also could not figure out the answer "Vhat kind of riddle is this?"

"I said the answer was _nothing_ ," Estonia snapped back, annoyed at having to take over the podium again "Poor people have nothing, rich people need nothing and if you eat nothing you _die_! Are you two that _stupid_?"

Austria and Germany huddled in a corner with a depressed aura around them for the rest of the day.

* * *

"What is so delicate, that even _mentioning_ it breaks it?"

There was a moment of sacred silence in the room.

The calm before the storm.

And then…

"Egos!"

Half the nations in the room choked or groaned, while the rest, not including America, Denmark or Prussia, face-palmed. A few people followed Lithuania's example and passed out from pure annoyance.

If only that was true.

England had lost count of how many time he had wished America's ego could be popped like a balloon.

Germany remembered how he had tried deflating Prussia's ego by giving him beer, only for it to do the opposite.

Norway had ago lost hope of busting Denmark's ego by choking the hell out of him with his own tie.

Denmark looked at America and Prussia. Prussia looked at America and Denmark. America looked at… well, basically they all looked at each other, surprised.

Somehow, all three of them had jumped up at the same time and yelled out the same word.

There was a moment of awkward silence in the room.

Estonia cleared his throat nervously, breaking the silence "The answer is not _egos_ , since I'm sure a lot of people have tried breaking your egos and have so far been unsuccessful. The answer was silence and… why don't we call this contest a draw?"

Everyone agreed.

Spain was grinning like a maniac as he pocketed bundles of money with Romano beside him. He had bet on all three losing.


	4. Contest 2: Swimming

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the _awesomest_ of us all?

Chapter 4 – Contest 2: Swimming

The next day after the meeting, Russia led everyone up the stairs to the roof. The red brick tiles that made up the perimeter wall around the roof blocked out the blazing sun. In the middle of the roof was a swimming pool surrounded by smooth grey concrete stones. In the pool, were fishes of every sizes and shapes. The pool wasn't very deep or wide, but what caught everyone's attention were the crocodiles beside the pool.

The crocodiles were in varying shades of green and brown. Some lazed around in the sun while others swam in the pool, trying the catch the colorful fishes in the water. And all had very, very sharp teeth.

Russia turned around, his back facing the pool, and announced "The second contest is swimming. Whoever can swim from this end of the pool to the other end will win, da? Provided you aren't eaten by the very, very _hungry_ crocodiles first…"

Suddenly, the hot, humid air became cold. The temperature dropping rapidly as an ominous, terrifying figure surrounded by a dark aura appeared from the staircase leading to the roof.

Russia shivered, repressing a scream, waiting for the chorus of creepy "Marry Me's" to start.

Which never did.

Instead, Belarus squealed. _Squealed_. And ran towards the crocodiles, arms wide open.

"Natalya!" Russia cried. He might be afraid of his little sister and wishes all the time that she would leave him alone, but he still didn't want her to get eaten by crocodiles.

Belarus reaches the nearest crocodile and kneels down, cuddling it. Everyone holds their breath, expecting the crocodile to snap her arm off. Instead, the crocodile _nuzzles her back_! Another crocodile approaches and Belarus hugs it too.

More and more crocodiles flocks around Belarus, nuzzling her. One even brings her a fish from the pool.

Everyone watches in horror and fascination, with the exception og Greece who is dozing in the shade.

Belarus was cuddling _crocodiles_ , and the crocodiles were nuzzling her back!

Russia wished the ground would swallow him up "Natalya, get away from there!" he calls.

Belarus, in the process of stroking a brown crocodile, yells back "But their soooo cute! I want to marry them!"

Russia was in seventh heaven. Belarus didn't want to marry him! Never mind that she wanted to marry a crocodile. Just as long she doesn't marry him, he could die happy.

Clearing his throat, Russia turns back to the crowd of shocked nations and says "Why don't we ignore the crocodiles and continue the race, da? After all, I highly doubt any of you can swim…"

The last sentence was directed at Prussia, reminding him of the time Russia had saved his ass when he, as the Teutonic Knights had nearly drowned. Russia had hauled him back to shore before strangling him.

America and Denmark starts arguing. Both trying to delay getting into the water as both did not, and probably could not swim.

Prussia glared at Russia and starts complaining about his lack of swimming trunks.

Russia responds with a cheery just get your ass in the water.

America starts yelling American swear words at Denmark who was countering in Danish.

Both English speaking countries and the Nordics start choking at the vulgar language.

Prussia, annoyed, yells at both of them to shut up.

America stops swearing and glances at Denmark "Help me beat Prussia up and I'll give you a hamburger."

Denmark frowns "And six barrels of beer."

"Deal."

Prussia groaned. One minute ago, America and Denmark would be more than happy to beat each other to death with crocodiles and now they were going to beat him up before beating each other to death. Great.

Prussia might not be smarter than a bunch of potatoes, but he had once been a kingdom after all. Been to hundreds of wars, killed thousands of humans, been taught to fight by countless people.

So when Denmark let out a roar and charged at him, Prussia simply dodged and stuck out a foot, tripping Denmark, who, unable to stop in time, fell headfirst into the pool. Splash.

Luckily, the crocodiles were too occupied in vying for Belarus's attention to notice a big, fat dinner land in the pool.

Prussia turned to see America rush at him and he simply squatted down. When America reached him, he surged up and tossed him backwards. Leaving the hamburger-obsessed nation to join the flailing Dane in the pool. Double splash.

Laughing, Prussia looks at the two nations who were clinging to each other trying to stay afloat and alive.

Prussia's smile is wiped off his face when a hand shoves him forward towards the pool.

Trying to stop his fall, Prussia flails desperately mid-air, flapping his hands like an oversized bird.

 _Click_. Went a camera in the background.

SPLASH!

Prussia surfaces in the water and turns to see a certain pale-haired violet-eyed scarf-wearing nation smirking at him. Scowling at him, Prussia turns around only to come face-to-face with two very furious nations.

Not surprising, as he had pushed them both into the pool after all.

America and Denmark roars in unison and pounces on him, pushing him under.

And so begins a water fight.

When the other nations finally pulls America, Prussia and Denmark out of the water, all three were sopping wet and about to collapse.

Again, the contest was tied. Zero points for all three.

It turned out none of them could swim after all.

 **GO CROCODILES! Any ideas for the next contest? I have no idea who should win btw, any suggestions?**

 **Natalya is Belarus's human name btw.**


	5. Omake

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the _awesomest_ of us all?

Chapter 8 – Omake: Chickens

The moment Prussia set foot in the meeting room the next day, countless giggles and snickers punctuated the air. Prussia frowned, had he worn pajamas to the meeting again?

Once he had added pepper to England's tea, which resulted in a choking, red-faced England spitting out tea everywhere. England had gotten pissed at him, and had turned to his spell books to get revenge.

Prussia ended up sitting through the next meeting in pajamas covered in _baby ducks_.

Not that there was anything wrong with baby ducks.

Prussia looked at his clothes. He was wearing one of Germany's suits. Nothing wrong.

So why was everyone laughing?

Prussia walked over to Spain and France, his two best friends. "Vhy is everyone laughing?"

Spain stifled a laugh at Prussia's confused look "Look at this."

France handed Prussia a piece of paper.

On the paper was an article.

Prussia swore everyone heard his jaw dropping to the ground.

This was horrible. Terrible. Disastrous.

The world was ending!

For Prussia, that is.

On the top of the page, the headline _**"New Species: Prussia Chicken"**_ was proclaimed in bold, black letters.

Underneath the headline was a picture of Prussia falling into the pool, flapping his hands wildly.

" _Like a chicken trying to fly, hence it's name"_ was commented underneath the picture in smaller words.

Prussia scanned the article.

Below the picture, was a few small paragraphs.

" _Yesterday, news reporter Elizabeta Héderváry along with a few other people witnessed an animal named Prussia Chicken trying to fly on the rooftop of a high building. The Prussia Chicken has been presumed extinct for the last few centuries. This Prussia Chicken is most likely the last of it's kind._

 _The Prussia Chicken was discovered and can only be found in Prussia, hence the first part of its name. It cannot fly, but is always trying to, which makes it similar to a chicken. It became extinct after ww2._

 _It is a very weird animal, with white skin and feathers. The only color on it are it's crimson red eyes. The Prussia Chicken is very proud of itself and has a very large ego. It often cries out a sound similar to "I'm Awesome!" to attract other females, but only succeeds in offending them. This animal is very stupid and loves baby ducks. It also loves drinking beer very much and is much worse when it is drunk. It is highly doubted that this Prussia Chicken will survive long as, like the others of his kind, it has very low IQ and will most likely crash headfirst into a pole and die._

 _-newspaper writer and news reporter Elizabeta Héderváry"_

Prussia fainted from shock and horror.

America fainted from laughing.

Denmark and half the nations followed America's example.

The contest that day was canceled as Prussia, Denmark and America could not participate.

The meeting was also canceled as half the nations were out cold.

Nobody noticed Hungary giggling in the corner, cradling Japan's camera.

Sometimes having a camera around was invaluable.

 **Three contests left. Yay! Poor Prussia…still….ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

 **Elizabeta Héderváry is Hungary's human name.**

… **baby ducks…**


End file.
